SHOULD I KILL MY SELF OR CUT THE LAWN


Should I kill myself, or mow the lawn?

As you may have heard on the show we make a lot of in jokes about my life off the show and do not go into much detail.

 Truth told I have a lot going on in my personal life and after my hiatus for a month last year I have learned to keep it at the door.

The show, my comedy career, and my band are the only things that keep me going.

As Sunday was free of all I was dwelling on the other things going on in my life and I felt that the only alternative was to leave it  , or cut the lawn.

I found a beam in the Garage that should hold my weight and figured a good strong belt would work wonders.

I got the ladder and started to size things up, I spent about fifteen minutes staring at the beam wondering if I should do the lawn first, after all you want everything just so.

I then stopped and went and had a smoke on my porch and thought, and thought.

The main thing I thought about was my Father. You see my dad when I was six lost his job and then one Saturday morning grabbed my dog and they both never returned, what happened? My Dad decided to carry forward the decision I was facing today and took the dog with him.

You see when you make a decision like that you make it to end your pain, or make it to be a Nobel cause,doing the world a favor  of not being around anymore.

But the real deal is this action will affect the people in your life long after your life is over.

My Father in his note wrote that he failed, he did not.

 He also wrote that My Mom would remarry, she never did and carried the torch for him until the day she died.

He also wrote that the insurance money would take care of us, it lasted two years.

I was the last one to see him alive and I was grilled over and over as to what I saw.

I thought at the age of six I was too young to have it affect me, wrong again, I have recently discovered that I have had deep emotional scars over this.

There were witness that saw my Dad carry out the act that ended his life and I can only imagine the scars they must have over what they witnessed that day.

Now in my case if I decided to carry through with this it would be to end my personal pain.

But what you have to realize what pain you would cause to the people you don’t intend hurt.

My wife, who even though we will be getting separated would have the devastation of this throughout her life which I would never, would wish on anybody.

Friends that may have thought that they may have been a cause of my actions would also always ask that question even though they were not.

Do to my first hand experience I realized to end one’s own pain would cause enduring pain on friends and family , I don’t know about Davin though, he would probably have Larry Defelice  behind the mic the next show.

I then thought about people I knew personally, having watched them battle cancer and fight with all they had only to lose the courageous battle.

I thought about friends losing their businesses, their spouses whatever and keep keeping on. I also thought about our friends in our chat room who are going through their own problems.

So if you are ever in that position call someone, see a priest, call your therapist do what you have to do to get help it’s not worth the alternative.

By the way, the lawn looks great. 

 
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